Contact has stopped. What do you actually need to do first?
If contact with your child has just stopped, you don’t have to work everything out today. Some of what follows needs doing soon. Most of it doesn’t need doing this week. This page is only about the first few days: what to do, what to avoid, and where to get support while you decide your next step.
You are not the only one this is happening to
In the most recent quarter for which figures are published, 15,534 new private law children cases started in England and Wales, and in 49% of cases that concluded, neither parent had a lawyer. This is a common, recognised situation with an established process for addressing it, not something you are expected to navigate alone or work out from nothing.
What should I do if my ex stops me seeing my child?
Write down what happened, while it is fresh. Date, time, what was said or arranged, and what actually happened. This is the start of the record described in our free checklist, and it matters more the earlier you start it.
Keep contacting your child through the usual, proper channels only. A message to the other parent asking to arrange contact, sent calmly and in writing, is useful evidence later. Do not contact your child directly through their own phone or social media if that is not how contact was normally arranged, and do not ask your child to pass messages.
Do not stop paying anything you were paying before, and do not retaliate by withholding something else. Whatever you are dealing with, this keeps your own position clear and avoids giving the other parent something factual to raise against you later.
Check whether a court order already exists. This changes what happens next more than anything else. If there is an order and it is not being followed, the court has enforcement powers. If there is no order, the next step is normally a MIAM, not an immediate application. See our guide to MIAMs.
Do I need to apply to Family Court immediately?
You do not need to apply to court this week, choose a solicitor today, or have a plan for the whole case. Court timescales mean an application, once made, typically leads to a first hearing around week 5, so a few days spent getting your own facts straight first rarely costs you anything, and usually helps.
What not to do
Do not post about it on social media, and do not say anything negative about the other parent to your child, or ask your child what they think of them. Do not turn up at the other parent’s home or your child’s school without agreement. Each of these can become part of the record against you, and none of them brings contact back any faster.
If you are struggling with how this feels
It is common to feel powerless, angry, or like the system is against you before you have even started. That feeling is real, and it is also not a reliable guide to what will actually happen in your case. Talk to someone: a friend, your GP, or a helpline. Samaritans is free, confidential and available any time, on 116 123.
What should I do next if contact does not restart?
Once you have done the above, the free 30-day checklist covers what happens next in detail, and our other guides cover the Cafcass safeguarding call, the first hearing, and the main forms.
Related guides
- What is a MIAM (mediation information and assessment meeting)?
- Family court forms explained: C100, C1A, C7 and FM5
- What happens at the first hearing (FHDRA)?
- Free checklist: your first 30 days in Family Court
- When You Can’t See Your Child: the book
Sources
- MoJ, Family Court Statistics Quarterly, January to March 2026 (gov.uk)
- Practice Direction 12B, paragraphs 5.3, 8.1, 14.1 and 21.5 to 21.6 (justice.gov.uk)
- Samaritans (samaritans.org)
Sources checked 22 September 2026. Procedure changes, so check that each source is current before relying on it.
This guide gives general information about the standard process in England and Wales. It is not legal advice, and procedure changes. Some court areas use a different process, the Child Focused Model, so check your notice of hearing. Full disclaimer